Have you ever felt like you were just searching through this vast journey of life? Searching for who you are and what this life even means? Maybe you have been wearing masks as you try to fit in with everyone around you. Somehow we keep thinking that at some point we will find the perfect mask that allows us to be. In reality there is no perfect mask and all the external searching is really a distraction from the real truth. That truth is the first step to self-discovery.
Once you wake up and realise that it all starts and ends with you things somehow start to unfold. Now if only someone had told me this years ago I wouldn’t have spent all these years searching. Here’s a secret, even if someone had told me it wouldn’t have made any difference, the journey starts when you are ready. It begins when you first hear your inner voice coaxing you inwards revealing its wisdom. It takes courage to even believe the inner voice, and in my case I felt like I was at rock bottom with nowhere else to go before I listened to it.
Then the work starts, this deep journey to the centre of your soul. It requires commitment, faith and hope. Be ready to unearth the layers within. Have faith that all that you seek is right there within. Most importantly hope, hope that the light that you hear others talk about is there within you. We spend so long conditioned by society and the world around us that we start to forget who we truly are and that light within gets buried under the layers. Once you begin to realise that all this time you spent trying to be normal was actually stopping you from discovering the real you.
It is not easy to even admit that you feel uncomfortable trying to be normal. It feels as if you are constantly under pressure to be a certain version of yourself and that means most of the time you are faking it. For the longest time I didn’t even realise I was faking it. I just kept striving towards all these goals. Instead of feeling satisfied when I reached a goal I just kept striving towards the next one. At some point you reach breaking point and it’s at that point that there is an opportunity for awakening.
Is it scary stepping into the unknown? Of course it is, but at the same time you are saying YES to yourself. It gives you an opportunity to start connecting to your body and breath. Suddenly you are no longer running away from who you are. When I was able to truly surrender, that was when I felt immense peace start to come through. I could finally breathe fully without feeling as if my throat was closing up. Did you know that just by really tuning into your breath and body and noticing how emotions affect you, you can shift what happens to you? That knowledge alone has been a key part on my journey to self-discovery.
For the longest time I was focused on all things external, validation, materiality, and the idea that I needed to become someone else. Even though I started practicing yoga there was still a large focus on all of these external factors, my ego holding the power. This idea that I needed to become like all these other people that inspired me. There were many moments where I just felt like a failure, maybe not as bad as before but still a failure. At some point I realised I wasn’t addressing my traumas within. Somehow I was fixated on this idea that by thinking and acting positively and everything would be ok. For the most part it was, yet I was still getting triggered by various things.
We like to cover up our shame and guilt and sometimes we pretend that certain things never happened. If we could just bury all of it and then maybe no one will find out. These traumas will keep coming back to haunt you. You find that you are triggered over and over again until you address them. Meditation is my way of being able to go back and face the root causes of my traumas. Is it hard and do I face resistance? Of course it is hard and the resistance that comes up can feel crushing, instead I just surrender. It was such a revelation that by surrendering I was actually letting myself heal, letting of of traumas and the power they held over me.
This journey to self-discovery is about being able to take responsibility for ourselves. It means checking in with yourself and really listening, are you avoiding or ignoring something? How can you start to let go of your resistance? Start to take notice of your breath and write down how it changes as your emotions change. Try out some breathing classes that help you connect to your body. I spent a long time not utilising my breath and it led to a total disconnect with my body. You will start to find that you are able to let go of your ego even more. Letting in more kindness, compassion and wonderful softness into your life.
My biggest lesson is recognising that we are all on a journey. I don’t need to judge someone else as we are all individual and each of our stories are valid. As humans our reactions can be a result of fear and anxiety and being able to be in empathy is a key part of this journey to self-discovery. It has been hard to face my shortfalls and face the truth but every single time I embody my truth I feel lighter and lighter. No more masks, just my beautiful imperfect self, living my practice. The journey is continuously evolving. The more we surrender and continue to grow in awareness, the path continues to unfold in front of us.
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